Tears behind the smile
by Nana Eddy
Summary: the kids are now in the ripe age of 17. Mikan is getting fed up with natsume's indecisiveness and hiding away attitude. what happens when she decides to walk away...my 1st fic. R&R please..
1. the rain that took you away

ermm this is my first fan fic. i don't know weather its going to be good but, i'm trying my hardest. so R&R please... ideas are also welcome :)

'dialogue'

_thoughts_

Summary; the kids are now in the ripe age of 17. Mikan is getting fed up with natsume's indecisiveness and hiding away attitude. what happens when she decides to walk away...

Disclaimer; I do not own Gakuen Alice.

**The rain that took you away**

The night was raining as hard as it can as if giving revenge to the hot 3 days before. The earth felt refreshingly cool while Natsume and Mikan were stuck together under a mercy shelter of an old worn down shed. They were in the woods after searching for Ruka's missing rabbit when they got separated from the others. The air was filled with silence and Mikan feeling uneasy with the situation tried to break the ice.

'Geez where did everyone go?' Mikan glanced around and realized they are surrounded by big scary trees. 'Umm... Natsume, can I get closer you?'

'Stay away little girl its already uncomfortable enough here. I don't need you to add it up' Natsume gave her a stare that says _don't u dare!!_

'Demo… ummhhh' drawing closer to Natsume 'its sca- arr- ryyyy… what if there's ghost?? 'She moved even closer

'Hey polka dots, the dormitory is only up front. You can even see the clock tower from here. If you're so scarred just run off there and get soaked. Don't involve me in your stupid ness _don't come so near idiot. I might not be able to control myself._

'Really!! Ah... sumimasen I hadn't notice!!' Mikan put on her usual smile which changed in a single second when she suddenly realized something, 'wait WHAT did you called me you pervert??'

'Polka dots panties'

'YOU…' an index finger pointing at Natsume

'Oh is it strawberry prints today' Natsume smirked knowing he'd always win.

'YOU HENTAI!!' Mikan was going to attack Natsume but when the shed waver dangerously she stopped, thinking _I'll just let it pass today._

'I guess you are not such an idiot anymore. Make sudden move and the thing will collapse' _I win… again as always _'now keep quiet and sit still'

'Don't smug... I'm not the same no star anymore. I'm a three star, and my marks are just a little lower than you. Just wait, i'll surpass you in no-time.'

'Whatever..' Natsume imiginatively smiled to himself. He could still vividly remembered how dense this girl used to be. He would purposely say something and left her wondering just for fun. Those days are long gone. Before his very own eyes, he saw how much this girl bloomed. From a dense smiley polka dot panties little girl to a beautiful intelligent girl she is now. Of course he wouldn't admit that fact to a soul but himself. The same girl who used to get on his nerve has somehow manage to become a residence in his heart.

_She changes a lot over the years both mentally and physically. _He thought to himself as he eyed the girl who's playing with the water drops. Her body is not of a little kid anymore. It is not flat and has curves just at the right places. Her way of thinking is not as simple anymore either. He used to be able to read everything on her face... not anymore though. Somehow, her observation has became more sharp too...

He sighed... _That's the problem. I can't seem to be able to hide my worries and sickness anymore. She changed, evolved but me... I'm still the same. I could not be honest with my feelings, still trapped... and still have to put on this facade..._

'Ne ne Natsumi-kun, can I ask u something?' Mikan's question broke Natsume's flow of thought.

'Nani baka youjo? Your voice is hurting my ears' came the usual harsh answer.

Normally Mikan would've ignored it and continued talking but not tonight. She's feeling a little fed up to put up with his nonsense.

'Why are you always like that?' asked Mikan a little irritated

'Like what?' says Natsume still maintaining his manner

'Calling me names, being cold and cruel to me… do you hate me that much?'

Natsume was stunned by the question. _Hate? How could I hate you? You're the only reason I'm still hanging in here._

'Why are u asking that baka?'

'Because no matter how hard I try u keep pushing me away.'

'That's because u are an annoying cheerful polka panties idiot!'

He smirked expecting a full energy retort from her. Instead what he saw was a silenced Mikan without her usual smile. _Baka! Smile won't u! Get mad and smile.. Why won't u retort back??_

'But I don't hate you. So stop with that pitiful face of yours' _now u should smile_

'Who's making pitiful face? I'm just angry ANGRY!! And I definitely don't need your pity!!' She stood up and stomped her feet.

_Much better.. I'd rather you scream and shout rather than keep quiet_

'You know Natsume you are impossible to understand. We've known each other for 7 years now but I still don't get you.'

'You don't have to understand. It's better that way.' _You are much too pure for the darkness inside me._

**Flashback **

'It's interesting to see you like this Black Cat. That girl with funny colors, she surely change that wild look in your eyes.' With a smirk on his face, he calmly whispers the words on the smiling Natsume making he jump from his daydream.

'Persona!! YOU… Don't you DARE touch her! Or…'

'Or what? Are you sure you want to drag her along in your darkness? You want her to find out exactly what you've been doing? And find out about her mother along the way?' the aura of darkness around him seems to suck in Natsume.

'K..KISAMA…' Natsume clenched his fist.

'Don't drag her in… you know what you have to do.' with that Persona disappear into the forest.

**End Flashback**

'Ne Natsume. You should open up a bit' Mikan said after a series of silence moment.

'What are you trying to get at?' he growled back at her.

'You should tell people your worries, your happiness, share with them so u wouldn't be so burdened.' She looked at the raven-haired boy beside him with hopeful eyes.

Natsume muttered something that sounded like, 'shut up. I'll do whatever I like' _don't look at me like that!! _He felt his heart jump a beat.

'There you go again. Why won't you just tell the truth? Always hiding always putting on that poker face of yours.' Mikan said absent mindedly.

'You don't know what you're talking about. Don't poke into matters that doesn't concerns you' Natsume replied with cold harsh voice. His eyes were dark and empty. _Truth is always hurtful. You don't need to know._

'But that doesn't mean you should shut off people who cares about you!!' Mikan felt her blood boil with anger.

'You always ALWAYS dwell into your own darkness, your own pathetic problems to even realize that other people are worried about you. All our classmates especially Ruka-pyon cares about you a lot. And what did you do? You pushed us aside like we don't mean anything. What are we to u?' _more importantly what am I to you?_

'Nothing. Just pesky nosy people who doesn't know where their limits are.' _Please stop asking. I can't lie anymore. You don't need and you mustn't know. I must protect you. No! I will protect you. No matter what._

'Is that how you really feel Hyuuga Natsume?'

'Yeah so what?

'Is it really what u feel?' her voice trailed off a little

'Are you deaf? I said yeah' Natsume answered with an irritated voice with the same cold look he always puts on.

After a few silenced moments he heard a reply from her.

'Natsumi no baka' the tone of Mikan's voice startled him.

He was expecting her outburst anger. But when he looked at her face there were soft tears on it. The kind he had never seen before. Then, she smiled, a really soft yet sad smile.

'Mikan…' Mikan moved away from him as he tried to touch her shoulder

'You… Why won't you lean on to others? Its okay to be weak sometimes, we're human. I have always been here, waiting for you to come to me, waiting for you to look at me without that poker face of yours or just simply say, hey, lend me a shoulder, I need to rest. Always, waiting… but you never came, never. It makes me feel… worthless' the tears on her cheeks are falling harder. Mikan stood in the rain in attempt to conceal it.

'I'm not that stupid 12 year old girl who confessed to you 5 years ago anymore. I've become stronger and wiser so that you could lean on me sometimes. You never returned my feelings if sometimes it seems like you did, you would always retreat back to that shell of yours. Leaving me hanging and waiting…'

Natsume started to move towards Mikan, unable to find the words to create an excuse. _Damn!! Why can't I think of anything. Come on, comfort her!!_

'Don't… don't come… I'm already too tired. I'm tired of my own feelings that never reaches you, tired of my own weakness... tired of… waiting…' her words turn to soft whisper as she runs away under the cold rainy night.

_Mikan, I really can't even start to tell you how I feel. You should run away before the darkness engulfs you too._

_**That rain took you away from me**_

_**That smile says your goodbye to me**_

_**That tears took my courage away from me**_

_**And my heart is breaking slowly…**_


	2. i can't see through you

waargh!! i finally finished chapter2... i'm totally having a writers block... sorry this chapter might be nothing but without this, i can't continue the story. its kind of short and it destroys the mood in chapter one. i'm really sorry... i promise i'll do better for the next chapter... anyway, do read and review. onegaishimas!!

Disclamer; i do not own gakuen alice.

**I can't see through you**

'Ohayo minna san!' a brunette came into a class as cheerful as she always had. Scanning the room, she identified her usual target and…

'Ohayo Hotaru!!'

'BAKA!!' a ball that was emitted from the 'baka gun' hits her right on the face before she could hug her target.

'Hotaru meaniee…' she said as she has her usual outburst.

'Why won't u learn already idiot!!' came the response from her so-called best friend.

_Hehe… its not that I don't learn… I just really like this normality… although it would be nice if it doesn't hurt this much…_ 'ittee…'

'Hotaru, don't be so hard on her… here Mikan-chan… let me help you' the usual life saver came to rescue yet again. _I'm getting tired of this. But they're both cute as they are._

Inchou smiled to himself as he help Mikan to her feet.

'Arigatou, Inchou-kun' she flashed a silly smile across her face. _Poor Inchou. He's such a good guy._

Suddenly the class became lively with girls talk… Of course, the two main attention came in, a handsome and well built blonde and his if not more, then equally handsome raven-haired friend. Mikan felt her hair stand. _Control, control, smile…_

'Aah… ohayo Ruka-pyon, ohayo Natsume-kun' Mikan greeted them with a smile

The blonde replied politely to the greeting as his friend brushed off and settled himself at the back at the class with his leg up on the table and reads a manga.

Mikan felt her eyebrows twitched in anger. _Be cool, ignore, turn back and smile._

'Ohayo Nogi! By the way, your picture is selling very good. Thank you.' a cold voice suddenly came from the non other, Hotaru.

Ruka turned into a shade of red and went directly to Hotaru saying something like 'I'm your boyfriend don't take advantage of me like that!'

Hotaru with her usual cold ways snickered and say, 'it's the role you have to pay for being my boyfriend Nogi. Help me get more money'

As the couple did their usual chase around routine, Natsume was getting restless on his seat. _Nande? Why is she so cheerful? She's supposed to ignore me right? That's what people normally do when they are angry._

Natsume wondered to himself as he watches Mikan bouncing away and talking animatedly with her friends. When a skinny boy threw a live cockroach to a group of girls, the class suddenly became lively again with most of the girls standing on chairs (not including Hotaru of course) and boys enjoying the view from below, he saw the brunette, single handedly captured the cockroach into a box saying, 'its just a roach… no need to get too excited. Here, I've thrown it way for you.' As the girls says their thanks to their saviour, he thought,

_Then again, she's not at all that normal._

On the other end of the class,

'I wonder…'

'What is it Hotaru?' said Ruka who almost bump into her because she suddenly stopped.

'Umm… nande mo nai… I just think something's not right…'

'Eeh?' Ruka watch the girl beside her as she took her seat. _She's getting weirder everyday and somewhat prettier._

'I'm sure it's nothing.' Came the short reply as a teacher enters the class. _He doesn't need to know… yet. At least not until I'm sure._

After class,

'Minna!! Don't forget to come at the hall tonight.' Sumire said as everyone is leaving the class.

'What for?' a boy with a levitation alice asked.

'Don't tell me you forgot! I'm throwing my birthday party tonight!!' Sumire started sulking. She still wears the same perm style she had since she enters the academy. Only it is somewhat longer which complimented her eyes and face.

'Ah… I totally forgot… I haven't got her any presents.' Mikan said almost whispering.

'Me neither… better don't let her know' says Anna who was standing by her side.

'Where's Natsume-sama and Ruka-sama. They absolutely must come tonight. You! Mikan Sakura… don't you dare to come empty handed!' she lets out an evil laugh which destroys the pretty face she has.

'I totally agree with you. Let's keep it quiet for now.' Mikan said as she sweat drop to Sumire's remark.

'Ermm…can we go to central town today?' the question was directed to the class representative.

'Of course we can… we just receive our rabbits as well right?' says Inchou

'Yeay!! Shopping!! Hayaku!' Anna was getting excited as they move towards the bus stand.

'Keep it down. do you want Sumire to catch you buying her last minute presents?' Mikan asked Anna. The kids imagined Sumire getting all pissed and turned into her cat-dog form to punish them. They shivered to the thought.

'Aah, there's Nogi and Hyuuga. As always, slacking off.' Says Hotaru as they went past a Sakura tree.

Mikan felt her heart race a pulse. _Must not give up… must continue… must smile… _'Ruka-pyon, Natsume-kun, lets go to central town together!!'

'You're too loud polka dots.' Came the reply from Natsume before his friend had a chance to say anything.

Mikan's face turned red at the remark. _Ignore… ignore… stay calm…_

'Ah!! Sumimasen, if you'd like come and join us' she gave a sweet smile which stunned both Ruka and Natsume.

_Has she gone nuts?_

Natsume finally collected himself and says,'I want to sleep' _now for the finale where she'd beg…_

After a while, Mikan says, 'Alright then, see you later…'

_What? What happened? Is that all? _Natsume stole a look under the manga covering his face. Mikan is still talking excitedly with her friends.

'Wait, I'm coming… you sure you don't want to go Natsume?' Says Ruka after seeing the –you-better-come look on Hotaru's face.

_Like I could go without Mikan insisting on it. Shit! I never expected this._ 'Yeah… go on.'

'Come on quick before we miss the bus' says Inchou to the hesitating Ruka.

_Hmm... Something is definitely not right_. 'Nogi, I need to talk to you for a while… in private.' Hotaru whispered to Ruka while they're walking together.

'Don't blush, you'll give us away!!' Hotaru chided as she realized the boy beside her is turning into a tomato head.

She watched her best friend cheerfull attitude and under her breath says, 'her eyes...' _Mikan… what happened?_

**You'd smile like you always do**

**Talk and laugh like you wanted to**

**But why your eyes are looking blue?**

**Why can't I see through you?**


	3. a friend's heart

Update!! I'm a little quick with this one aren't I?Haha… but the poem for this chapter sucks! I know the storyline might be a little slow… I'm trying to pick up the pace. anyways, read and review. Criticize if you have too. I'm willing to accept any :)

Disclaimer; I do not own Gakuen Alice.

**A friend's heart**

'Hey, no star!! Did you bring my present?'

'I'm not a no star anymore perm… My grades are better than you remember?'

'You were just lucky…' Sumire said as she brushed Mikan off.

_Geezes, although we've became a little more friendly, she's still as wicked as ever _

'Ano sumire-chan, you shouldn't be rude to people… especially not tonight…' came a soft voice from behind them.

'Yuu!! You are MY boyfriend so don't back HER up!!' Inchou's face turn to an amazing red color as Sumire pointed out that he IS her boyfriend.

'Sumimasen but it destroys your beautiful make up… you wouldn't want to look improper in front of the guest right?' as usual, Sumire can't fight with Inchou's reasoning. He signaled Mikan to quickly leave.

'Ah!! It's true… what would Natsume-sama and Ruka-sama says' Inchou let out a relieved sigh. It would be difficult to handle Sumire if she burst.

They have been dating for two years now. Despite of her obsession towards some other cute guys, Sumire would always come back to him. Having her to come back to him is what makes him feel happy. _She's devious no doubt, but she's the girl I fell in love with._

When Mikan finally out of Sumire's way, she observed the couple. Sumire's sudden mood swings and Inchou always trying to calm her down. Being patient with all her whim.

_Poor guy… he's so nice but has a devil queen on his side… but still the opposites attracted I guess… _

As she watched the couple, she saw Sumire at times laughing not to but with Inchou… she realized Sumire is happy… and so is Inchou.

_Even Sumire look cute when she's with someone she loves. I'm starting to see her in a different light…_

Its a little later she realized, Sumire's still talking about her 'Ruka-sama and Natsume-sama'. Mikan couldn't help but to sweat drop.

_Though it wouldn't hurt if she stop obsessing about other guys. Oh dear, her present is still with me!! sigh guess I have to give it to her then…_

'Here, Permy… your present.'

'It's about time you gave it to me…' Sumire looked around and failing to find the subject, with doubtful eyes, she looked at Mikan and ask, 'where's Natsume? You didn't stop him from coming did you?'

'Like I could.'

Sumire's face lit up like a kid receiving a candy and says, 'Right… even YOU don't have enough authority… hohoho' a laugh so crude it makes Mikan's stomach upset.

_Yeah… I bet he doesn't even care about me…_

'Hey Mikan, get the juice from the back store!' came Sumire's demanding voice disturbing Mikan's thought.

'I'm not your slave! Take it yourself!!' says Mikan annoyed.

'I'm the birthday girl REMEMBER?' Mikan was about to retort back when she saw Inchou's face that is almost pleading –just go, please…-

She thought, _I'll just let it slide today, but I'll get her tomorrow!!_

'Huhu… why do I always ends up doing this?' Mikan was mentally slapping herself when she heard someone enters the room. _Great! The light is off. I should have just ignored Sumire… now I'm scared._

She mustered her courage and ask, 'Who's there?'

There was no response. Only silence. She heard someone breathing hard, so she squint her eyes and saw a shadow beside the window. Then, the figure move forward towards her and with the aid of the moonlight, she can finally see the other person…

'Na…Natsume… you scared me. What are you do…' her words was shut off as Natsume suddenly turned aggressive and pressed her against the wall. He was holding her hand so tight and was shaking badly.

_He's trembling. He looks sick. Is he okay?_

'Natsume… are you o…'

'Why are you smiling? Why aren't you ignoring me? How could you be nice and cold to one person at the same time?' he was talking so slow it was barely audible to Mikan.

_He's breathing hard… I can't push him, he's still so strong…_

'Natsume, it hurts… let go of me' she pushed him with all her might and sounded a little louder than she intended too. It snapped Natsume back to reality.

'Warre… ' Is all that he could say

'It's alright. Are you okay?' Mikan lost to her cautiousness towards Natsume.

'I'm fine… answer me' he was asking with such cold voice that Mikan was pulled back to her role.

Mikan smiled, to Natsume's eyes, it is like the smile she had on that rainy night. _Don't smile like that it kills me…_

'What are you talking about? Why would I be ignoring you? I only ignore people I hate… I don't hate you… I could never hate you.'

Natsume was about to say something when suddenly the door creaked open and Anna was in front of it.

'Aaah… there you are! Come inside, Sumire's cutting the cake' Anna said without actually noticing Natsume's presence.

.'Coming!!' Mikan answered as cheerful as she always had.

'Hey, help me with the juice!' she turned around expecting Natsume to be behind her.

'Ah… he's gone… I'm going to have to carry this by myself' _coward!_

After singing 'Happy Birthday' to Sumire, Mikan stepped outside. _I guess pretending is very tiring… I should take a walk._

She was enjoying the view at the balcony when a monotonous voice ask her, 'Are you okay?'

'Ah! Hotaru! Of course I'm fine!!' Mikan answered, smiling.

'Then, why are you out here? I thought you like parties.' Still in her monotonous voice Hotaru tested Mikan.

'I'm just taking a little air. It's a beautiful night.' Taking a deep breathe of the air, she turned towards her friend, still smiling.

_She's not going to admit it herself, I see. I'll be frank then._

'Baka!! Don't smile if u don't feel like it!!' Hotaru's voice although still monotonous and cold has a shake in it.

'What are you talking about?' Mikan says lying

_Stubborn girl!!_ Hotaru shake her head and look directly at her friend.

'Since when did you turn into a liar? I'd rather you stay an idiot than being this deceitful…' the words struck through Mikan so hard that she lost her composure.

'Hotaru…'

'The idiot Mikan that I like so much has a smile much cuter than the ones you've been flaunting about. You should cry if you want to, and don't smile if you don't feel like it… it's so ugly that it gets on my nerves…' the look on Hotaru's eyes soften, although her voice is still the same.

'Hotaru… you truly are my best friend… nothing gets past you undetected I suppose' Mikan felt herself on the verge of tears.

'Now what's wrong?' Hotaru calmly ask her friend.

'…'

'Its Natsume is it? He's the only one seems capable enough to make you this miserable.'

Mikan nodded to this statement. She suddenly remembered the incident at the back store.

'That idiot! It is so obvious that he's sick but still he denies. I loved him so much… Why couldn't he see? Why won't he understand that I'll accept any sides of him? Be it good or bad… Why won't he let me tend to his wounds? Why won't he open up a bit?' Mikan's tears are falling harder. It would have soaked her dress if Hotaru didn't suddenly slapped Mikan's forehead. Mikan turns and look at her friend, surprised.

Hotaru sighed, 'When we were small, there was this boy who bullied you and caused you to hurt your elbow remember?'

Mikan simply nods

'But when jiichan asked what happen, what did you told him?' Hotaru looked at her friend, intensively.

'I said I was careless and slipped.' Came the straight honest answer.

'Why didn't you tell him what really happened?'

'Because he will worry!! I don't want him to worry… I can still handle it myself. We showed that bully didn't we?'

'Yes, we did…' Hotaru imagines the day they make that bully cries as they caused him to fall into a pig's den… With help from Hotaru invention of course. She can't help but smile at the thought of the memory.

'But that's besides the point. Do you think jiichan would've like it if he knows you kept something like that from him?'

'Of course not he'd be furious'

'Well, u knew that but you still kept it away from him. Why?'

'Because I love him. If told him he would do unnecessary things which will make things a lot worse and end up getting into… trouble.' Mikan's voice trailed off as a realization struck her.

'Do you understand what I'm trying to say?'

'Yes… but, its hard to bear with it… I can understand it, but I can't accept it.' Mikan looked even more misserable than before.

Seeing the look on her best friend's face, Hotaru said, 'Understanding is the first step. Next, u decide. Stop with that look, I'll allow you to cry it off and sleep with me tonight…'

'Really??' Mikan's face lit up to the suggestion.

_She's back to herself. Honest and simple._ Hotaru let a smile escape her lips.

'Only if you promise to be yourself tomorrow…'

'I promise!!!' Mikan can't help but to grin.She always loved to spent the night with Hotaru.

'Now go inside and enjoy the party. They'll get worry if you are gone too long.'

'Okay, what about you?'

There was a glint in Hotaru's eyes as she points towards a place, 'I'll be inside just in a moment. I saw something interesting… it would worth a lot of rabbits.'

Mikan followed her gaze and saw a blond hair moving towards the lake in the distant. _I don't want to know…she's scarry..._ 'Alright then, be careful!!'

Mikan watched her best friend's back as she disappears into the night… with a smile on her face, a real smile she thought,

_I'm glad I met you. Hotaru, I really do love you a lot. Thank you._

**You were there to dry my tears**

**And through darkness you chased my fears **

**You accepted me despite my weakness **

**Without you, apart of me will always be amiss **


	4. A candle without its light

Phew, this chapter is a hard one… so many dialogues, its driving me crazy… at least, I manage to finish it though… anyway, Read and Review… onegaishimas!!

Disclaimer; I do not own Alice Gakuen.

**A candle without its light**

From afar, under a Sakura tree, two figures can be seen illuminated by the moonlight. A boy with crimson eyes sat leaning on the tree trunk slightly looking upwards as if counting the stars. Another figure not far away from him is of a girl with dark eyes and hair. Her eyes are fixed on the boy. She looked calm and her gaze pierced with coldness.

'Why did u make her cry?' without so much of a greeting she asked.

The boy, as if already expecting the girl, answered calmly, 'I didn't mean to…'

'You can't avoid her forever, Natsume Hyuuga. The more you run, the more she'll catch up.' She says obviously not satisfied with the answer.

'I don't need you to tell me that. Besides, she's better off without me.'

'How could she be?'

'What do you mean?'

The girl now staring at the sky says with a monotonous but somehow sad voice, 'Didn't you notice? This past week, her smile… It's not the same.'

_I know…_though his heart answers differently, Natsume simply says, 'So?'

'Whatever that is happening between you two, it's eating her from inside. '

_Shut up… I know that already. Stop torturing me…_Natsume didn't flinch from his position nor did he give away any feeling he bottled inside.

'Listen, I know you want to protect her. I do too. But I can't forgive you if she can't smile because of her problems with you.' the girl says after her last remark met with silence.

'So, you really do care for her that much huh, Imai Hotaru? Despite your cold treatment.' Natsume let out a smirk as if mocking his opponent.

'No, it's just bad for my business. Her pictures don't turn out as good. The admirers won't pay as much.' Hotaru answered with the same monotonous voice and stone-like face.

'Are you sure you're her best friend?' Natsume replied under his breathe… but enough for Hotaru to catch it.

'Business is business… So, you better patch things up with her. Before you really lose her. She has quite a lot of admirers you know…' She deliberately emphasize on the 'admirers'.

'Like I care…' away from Hotaru's eyeshot, he clenched his fist._ Damn this girl!_

'Right. Anyway, don't hurt her.' Hotaru smiled to herself. _Idiot! It's so obvious…_

'I'm not trying to.'

'Then, what are you doing now?'

'Protecting her… '

'From what?'

'From darkness she doesn't need to know. You and others too…' Natsume look at Hotaru from the corner of his eyes. _Why do I even bother?? She's not going to understand…_

'So, you are trying to protect her… by making her hurt? That doesn't sound right… I wonder why…' Hotaru test his opponent.

'…'

Gaining no response, she adds, 'It's hard isn't it? We tend to hurt people we love the most. We want to protect them from getting hurt. But we seldom realize, by protecting, we hurt them even much more.'

As she started to take her leave Hotaru says, 'Think about it. Jaa ne.'

Not far from where Hotaru left Natsume, she meets up with a blonde boy who smiles sweetly at the sight of her. Sadly though, his smile met with a stoic look.

'Your turn, Nogi… Do it right!!'

Ruka sweat drop. _She's so not romantic._

'Alright. Just keep your promise'

He was about to walk away when Hotaru stopped him and pecked a kiss on his cheek. 'Thank you' she says..

Ruka quickly turn into a shade of red. He turned around to look at Hotaru only to find she's not there. He sighed. _She always does these little surprises. One day I'm going to go crazy because of her…_

_Now, for my role… _Taking a deep breathe, Ruka emerge from the bushes toward his best friend under the Sakura tree.

'Natsume… what are you doing here? Counting the stars?' he chuckled.

Natsume didn't budge, nor did he give any indication that he heard anything. _Why does his back looked so tired? _

Realizing his friend has 'travel' far away, Ruka lightly touched his friend's shoulder.

His friend turned his gaze slightly, realizing who it is, he says, 'Ruka…'

'Natsume, what's wrong? You seemed weird this past week.'

'Nothing…'

Ruka takes a seat beside Natsume. He calmly waited until his friend is ready to talk.

'Ruka, of all things Imai did to you, which hurts the most?'

_I didn't expect that! Did Hotaru say something?_ Ruka blushed at his own thought. 'W-why are you asking that?'

'No particular reason. Just curious. She's so twisted and bullies you a lot.'

Ruka chuckles, 'I don't mind that. I'm happy just to be around her. Like you are when you're around Mikan.'

Natsume held up his palm and light up a fire. With annoyed eyes he says, 'We're not talking about me'

Ruka sweat drop, 'Okay, okay…'

Ruka took a deep breathe and say, 'The thing that hurt me the most was probably the time when she has some problems and didn't tell me. I felt like she doesn't need me. Of course, I'm just being silly. I know she just didn't want me to worry, but I can't help to feel hurt.' He smiled at his friend.

'You're silly.'

'I know… but the fact is, even if she doesn't tell me, I would still worry. I'd be more worried actually because I know something is not right.'

'How do you know?'

_Well, well, we have a curious one here… who would've thought._ 'Instinct I guess. I think when you love someone; you tend to be over cautious about the other person. So you can notice even the little changes.' Ruka paused to see his friend's reaction.

'…'

When Natsume didn't say anything, he added, 'So that's why, she might as well tell me. That way, at least I know what I'm worried about and how much should I worry.'

'Did she listen to you?'

'No… She calls me an idiot and hit me with her baka gun.' Ruka answered with a silly smile on his face, his hand rubbing the back of his head.

Both of them sweat drop as the image of Hotaru firing her baka gun filled their heads.

'But at least she doesn't keep things from me anymore.'

'…'

'Natsume, you should tell her too…'

Ruka's suggestion seems to come out of no where that it startled Natsume, 'Huh?'

'Mikan…not necessarily everything maybe just something that she could hold on to. There's nothing more devastating than being useless to the one you love.'

'Not you too Ruka…'

'Sumimasen… I just thought u both deserve to be happy.' _You have suffered too much… it's enough already… Don't torture yourself anymore…_

The clock tower strike once as an indication it's already 12.30.

'Ah, I'd better get inside before Imai start looking. You come too!!' Ruka said as he stood up from his seat.

'Later…' _What should I do?_

_Maybe I should find him and apologize… Ruka's here, so he'd probably be at the Sakura tree… _Mikan start to head for the door as the thought strike her.

_But, what if he became grumpy and starts annoying me?_ Mikan imagined Natsume being cold and harsh, burning her skirt or calling her names.

_I'd definitely get mad and make worst of the situation…I might end up saying things I didn't mean. _Mikan halted her steps at the thought.

_I should go back._ She turned around and stopped again as an image of Natsume appears on her mind. She remembers him trembling and looking sick at the back store earlier

_Is he really alright? Geez… this guy keeps on making me worried… _She traced back her step and started moving towards the Sakura tree.

As she gets closer to the place, she traced back on the back of her mind what she should say, but she stopped short as she saw a figure in front of her.

'Natsume… well here goes… Na…'

Mikan hold her tongue as she heard a strange voice, 'It's time…'

'Wait, give me five minutes. I have something I need to do.'

_It's Natsume's voice… But whose voice is the other one?_ Mikan peered from behind tree and searched for the other person in question.

She felt herself stiffened at the sight of the other person. A tall man with dark hair, wearing a mask is standing not too far behind Natsume. _The air around this man…It makes me feel uneasy…_

'What are you trying to do? Heh… don't tell me you're going to make it up to the little kitten?' the man said with a smirk.

'What is it to you, Persona? It's not your job' Natsume replied harshly.

'Young love is it? Don't make me laugh!' the man called Persona let a grumpy laugh.

_P-Persona? Is he going to take him away? No!! Natsume's not well!! _Mikan had to cupped her mouth to stop herself from yelling.

'It has nothing to do with you as long as I do my job, right?' Natsume's voice sounds cold.

'Right… and wrong… What would I do if your performance is affected because this silly game you play huh, _Black Cat_?'

_Should I leave? I'm scared…_Mikan battled with herself. But the better half of her who worries about Natsume won't let her leave.

'It's not going to happen' She heard Natsume replies.

'Well, I can't take that chance can I… and _THEY_ can't take that chance either…' Persona said with an amused smile.

_They? Who's They?_ Mikan stayed rooted on her ground. She kept silent as she hear their speech.

'What do you mean?' Natsume says, irritated.

'Surely you don't think _THEY_ have not been watching you do you? Especially when you are being so close with the nullifying girl. You know how much they feared the girl because of _HER_.'

Natsume's eyes opened wider, 'What's that got to do with this?'

'_THEY_ had just been watching and not doing anything because you always seemed to treat her coldly. If _THEY_ found out you were being cuddly with her, surely _THEY_ will get nervous. A boy with a powerful destructive alice paired with a girl with alice that can cancel other alices… doesn't sound too good does it?' Persona obviously challenging the boy in front of him.

'K-Kisama' Natsume clenched his fist.

'I wonder what _THEY_ would do to her, and to your other friends if _THEY_ got nervous? You wouldn't want them to get hurt do you? And of course you wouldn't want her to get hurt and sad either. I wonder what would she do if she knows it was her fault'

'Shut up!! I got your point. 'a look of despair in Natsume's eyes as he says 'let's go'

'Good boy…' Persona smirked a joyous smile.

Mikan who had been listening to them hugs her body, trembling.

_What would this THEY would do? Would our friends be hurt? Persona said girl with nullifying alice… Is it me? Will I be the cause of my friends to get hurt? _

She felt her knees weakened and she slide to a sitting position. The image of those times she spent with her friends flashed in her memory. Then, she remembers the times when she wanted Natsume to herself,

_I have been selfish all of this time. Thinking only about me and my feelings. I have no idea it was this terrifying._

She felt tears on her cheeks as she felt her heart breaks… _Those simple selfish feelings, I didn't know it would hurt others…Natsume… He has to endure this everytime…_

_How long have you been hurt this way? _Her little tears turns to sobs.

_I'm sorry Natsume…_

**You walked around so full of yourself**

**You brushed others as if they're rubbish to your eyes**

**But you held them so dear to your heart**

**Like a candle incomplete without its light**


	5. I'm not for her

I'm sorry for being very late with the update. There'd so much issues I have to handle in my real life that I barely have time to escape reality. (sigh) anyways this chapter is a bit too long than I anticipate it to be. I think it's a little bit 'messy' but still, what the heck… Read and review, onegaishimas!!

Disclaimer; I do not own Alice Gakuen

**I'm not for her**

Mikan walked into the room drenched and red eyed.

'Where have you been idiot? Don't make people worry so much…' Hotaru's voice trailed off as she realize her friend's state

_What happened?_

Mikan watch her friend's face. _She seems so calm, so collected…_

**Flash back**

'_THEY_ had just been watching and not doing anything because you always seemed to treat her coldly. If _THEY_ found out you were being cuddly with her, surely _THEY_ will get nervous. A boy with a powerful destructive alice paired with a girl with alice that can cancel other alices… doesn't sound too good is it?' Persona obviously challenging the boy in front of him.

'K-Kisama' Natsume clenched his fist.

'I wonder what THEY would do to her and to your other friends if THEY got nervous. You wouldn't want them to get hurt do you? And of course you wouldn't want her to get hurt and sad either. I wonder what she would do if she knows it was her mistake'

**End of flashback**

_Will she be hurt too?_ As the memory conquered her, Mikan felt the overwhelming fear she had…

'Hotaru… Gomenn…' Mikan's body trembles. She looked frightened, confused

_I can't fulfill the promise I made earlier._

'Why are you apologizing baka?'

_I can't be myself yet… I still have to pretend… If I don't do that, you will get hurt, our friends will get hurt, Natsume will… suffer more. _

'If you can, please forgive me…' _sorry I can't tell you. You'll get hurt if I do…_

'What? Mikan… wait!!' Hotaru didn't get a chance to ask Mikan anything as she hurriedly run away. Hotaru felt rooted to her ground as she wonders what has got into her friend.

_What happened to her? Why does she look so scared?_

'I smell problem' Hotaru said as she stuff blueberry jelly into her mouth.

------

Morning came despite the heavy feeling inside of Mikan's heart. She didn't catch a wink last night. If it hadn't been for the clock Hotaru invented for her, she'd ignore everything and went back to sleep.

_The clock is way too loud. This headache is not helping either._

Mikan force herself out of the bed just as her door opens.

A monotonous voice shot out from behind her back, 'So you're up. You better hurry or you'll be late again. I'm not going to wait for you.'

Hotaru was just about to leave when she suddenly heard a loud thump. She turned around to find her friend on the floor, eyes closed. Hotaru hurriedly enters the room to get her friend

'She's burning. So idiots can get a fever too huh.'

------

Two days after, the cheerful voice returns to the class

'Ohayo minna' with her usual smile she greeted everyone in the class.

'Ah Mikan-chan are you feeling better already?' a boy with glasses greeted the girl. _The class is not the same without her._

'Yes, arigatou for asking Inchou!' Mikan said as she scans the class (again).

Locating the target, she rushed towards it with hugging pose, 'Hotaru!!!'

'BAKA!' with a stoic face the target launched her baka gun right at Mikan's face which caused her to fall in front of the door.

'Hotaru meanie!!' Mikan said as she cries her head off.

'Maa maa Hotaru-chan, she's just recovered from her fever ne?' said Inchou as Hotaru was aiming to shot another baka bullet to Mikan.

'I don't want to see your ugly face.' Hotaru said as she turned her face to the other way. _She's still holding that plastic smile._

'Hotaru…' Mikan's eyes full with tears.

'Ah... Mikan-chan I'm sure she didn't mean it. Right, Hotaru?' Inchou said as he tries to comfort the girl.

'Nope I do mean it.' Says Hotaru, with her everlasting stoic face. _So this is the promise she meant. Didn't that Nogi do his job?_

'Oi, polka dots… you are blocking the way,' a cold voice said as he pushed the door and hit Mikan which caused her to stumble on the floor yet again.

'You are too noisy.' He said maintaining his manner.

'Normally, a person would say sorry if they bump into others. I guess you can't because you don't even have the courtesy of human being. By the way, if you don't like to hear my voice, you can start wearing earplugs and Natsume Hyuga-san…' Mikan said furiously as she stood up. With face as red as tomato, she screamed,

'Would you please GET A LIFE and stop peeking at MY panties. GROW UP WILL YOU?'

The raven haired boy just blankly pushed her aside saying, 'You are the one who's showing it to me, ugly.'

The remark obviously hit the girl in a nerve as she says, 'Well, I'M SORRY if I'm ugly. At least I'm not a PERVERT like you!!'

'Mikan! You BETTER apologize to Natsume-sama now!! You are the one who has been following him around this past 7 years. How dare you talk to him like that!!' suddenly Sumire's voice shouts out. She held a smug on her face and her index finger pointing at Mikan.

Mikan let out a heavy sigh and says, 'Well, then you'd be happy to know Perm, I'm not going to follow Natsume anymore.'

The class seems to freeze and everyone turned to face her saying 'What?'

Hotaru felt herself stiffened unable to turn and look. _What?_

Natsume hides his shock behind his manga. _What?_

Mikan felt nervous as all eyes is on her, 'Well, a sempai confessed to me…'

Sumire stifle a relieved laugh, 'So? You always have someone confessing to you every other day, though I can't see what they see in YOU.'

Ignoring Sumire, Mikan continued, 'He wants to be my boyfriend. I kind of agree…'

Before Mikan could finish her sentence Sumire became agitated and says, 'Are you SERIOUS? How could you agree? How dare you get a boyfriend after confessing to Natsume-sama and following him around all these years?' _I've even given up on him for the likes of you._

Hotaru mustered her will to turn around. _Why hadn't I heard it before?_

'What's so wrong? She deserve a good boyfriend, don't you think so?' Anna said as she shoved Sumire aside. She really likes Mikan and she always thought waiting for Natsume is a waste for Mikan. There's like at least one guy a day who'd confess to Mikan, but she flatly refused them every time. _Natsume is such a jerk. She deserves better, someone who'd cherish her._

Anna walks right up to Mikan and hugs her. 'Mikan!! So you finally agreed to go out with someone? It's about time! I'm so happy for you…But, it's so sudden…'

Mikan let out a giggle… 'Anna, you're choking me. I know it's sudden, but, I wouldn't say boyfriend just yet. I haven't answered him yet.'

'B-but you're definitely considering it, right Mikan?' Anna says looking at her friend's face.

'Yes, that's what I was going to say before Perm interrupted, I agreed to consider, in fact we're going out today, after class.'

'I don't believe it. Who is it?' Sumire said oblivious to the fact.

'Well, it's up to you, Perm. He'll pick me up after class, u can see it yourself.'

The class began to talk excitedly wondering who is the guy that could get Mikan to go out with him. Some agrees with her and some don't.

'Alright class, settle down!!' Misaki sensei said as he enters the bustling class. 'Let's start our lesson today.'

------

The class ended like always, but the students are all still in the class. They were curious as who the sempai Mikan has been talking about is. Mikan had been standing on the corridor, waiting.

'Ha-ha, I thought so, you are lying aren't you?' Sumire said after 15 minutes of waiting.

Mikan's smile caught her off guard that she finds it peculiar. Mikan said, 'Just wait a while.'

'Sakura, sorry I'm late' a handsome boy wearing a high school division uniform said as she approach her. He seems out of breathe because of running, but despite of his sweat, he still looked strikingly attractive.

'It's okay, sempai… by the way; let me introduce you to my friends.' Mikan said as some of them came out to have a closer look.

'This perm girl here is Sumire, that's Anna, Yuu, Kokoyormi, Ruka, and my best friend, Hotaru.'

'Nice to meet you. I'm Nakajima Soujiroh.' He said bowing his head politely.

_I've heard that name somewhere. _'Take care of her, sempai!!' Anna said while giving them a playful wink.

Soujiroh simply smile warmly to the remark, 'Shall we get going? We don't want to miss the bus, do we?'

'Yes, ah well, see you guys tomorrow.' Mikan said as she walks alongside Soujiroh towards the bus station.

When the couple is out of sight, Sumire said, 'Humph!! She must have paid him something to get he acts as her boyfriend.'

'No, he's the real deal. He's so happy Mikan agreed to go out with him. I read his mind just now.' Kokoyormi said much to Sumire's dismay.

'Well, he may be genuine but Mikan must be bluffing, right?' Sumire said, not giving up.

'As for Mikan, I've stop trying. I haven't been able to read her mind since we're 15.' Kokoyormi said with a sweat drop.

'Her alice had been blooming. The only ones who can still affect her are Natsume and Hotaru.' Ruka said analyzing the fact. He turns towards Hotaru in hope of a backup response from her.

But, he sweat drop as he saw her using a calculator. With eyes of rabbit currency, she says, 'I think I remembered him buying her pictures from me before. Maybe I could make him buy more.'

Everyone present was taken aback with what she said. As they sweat drop, all have the same thought, _is she really Mikan's best friend?_

Suddenly Anna with excited voice said, 'I thought I've heard that name somewhere!!'

Everyone turns to her as she says, 'He's this year's valedictorian. He's very popular with the girls. Look at him. His white skin and striking silver hair, his charming smile… well his looks matches his alice. He has an ice alice.'

Sumire gasp loudly 'That's totally opposite you, Natsume. What's that idiot thinking?'

With sarcasm in her voice, Anna added, 'He IS, the total opposite of Natsume. Although he has an ice alice, he has a very warm attitude. So he's really well liked by students and teachers.'

Anna's words seemed to not bother Natsume at all, 'Whatever it is, it doesn't concern me. Let's go Ruka.'

'See what I mean? With that cold attitude, I'd choose Soujiroh-sempai anytime too.' Anna said as Natsume and Ruka walked past her.

Hotaru just watched as the group disperses. She still has Mikan on her mind. _But, that's the problem… she's not you…She's definitely hiding something._

------

Mikan didn't talk much on the way, as they were walking at the Central Town, Soujiroh tried to start a conversation, 'Sakura, Thank you for agreeing to go out with me.'

Mikan was caught unaware that she stuttered, 'E-Eeh? There's no need for that. I feel lucky to be able to go out with such a cool sempai like you.' she smiled at him.

_How long can I keep on pretending? _They walk in silence for a several minute. _I've got to say something… _

'Let's buy a hawaloon!!' Mikan exclaimed as she saw the stall. Her face lit up so suddenly that Soujiroh had to laugh. Mikan bought one and gave a piece to Soujiroh.

'You like them don't you?'

'Yes!! A lot. It is always more delicious when it's shared. We always buy one each time we came here.' Mikan answered

'We?'

'Yes, me and my friends.'

'Do you come often?'

'U-huh… but I always have to beg that darn Natsume before coming here.' The thought of Natsume made Mikan grumpy.

'Why?'

'He's my partner. Jinno-sensei makes it a condition if I wanted to come, my partner must come along.' Mikan started telling him the memories of her first visit to central town. How she had to beg Natsume to come along. How she had plans on making money just to get a box of hawaloon. She talked excitedly about the memories.

'It sounds fun' Soujiroh said as she finished her story.

'Fun? I felt like choking him to death.' Mikan said while imitating a choking scene with her hands.

_She talked a lot about that boy…_ 'What is he like? That Natsume?' Soujiroh asked after while.

'He's a total jerk. He never treats people nicely. He always calls people with horrible names. And he's a total pervert! Always peeking at my panties…' Mikan's voice trailed off as she realized what she just said. Her cheek blushed.

Soujiroh smiled and laughed to the girl's reaction, 'It's okay, go on. I'll pretend I didn't hear that.'

In order to conceal her embarrassment, Mikan continued her story, 'He has no manners whatsoever. He likes to cut classes and even drag his friends along. Can you believe……'

Soujiroh heard nothing more as he lost himself in the girl's smile and excited talk. He made a small comment here and there, but the only thing he paid attention to is how happy she looked at the time. He smiles to himself.

------

_Aah… it felt like a very long day. I'm exhausted with all the walking… I wonder if Hotaru has sleep yet._ Mikan's steps stopped. She's standing in front of the building where Natsume's room is. His room can be seen from outside.

_It's dark. Is he asleep? Or is he out on a mission?_

She shook her head and mentally slapped herself. _Why do you think about him? You've decided to forget him, didn't you?_

She continued her walk without realizing someone was waiting for her in the dark corridor to her room.

'Mikan…'

Mikan jumped in shock. She looked up and saw her friend, 'Hotaru, you scared me!! Did you wait for me? Ah, come into my room.'

Hotaru followed her friend silently. She waited until her friend change into her pajamas and asked, 'Why didn't u tell me?'

Mikan didn't turn her head, 'Sumimasen, it's so sudden, I didn't have time to tell you first.'

When she did look at her friend's face, Mikan find it hard to look her in the eyes, 'Yesterday, Soujiroh-sempai approached me and asked me out. He confessed his love to me. I got so touched you know… well, I've known him from back when we're 15 I never know he had such feelings for me… so I thought, I'd give it a try…'

'What about…' Hotaru's words were cut short by Mikan.

'Ah, he's very nice… Look, he bought me this bracelet. Beautiful isn't it?'

Hotaru didn't avert her eyes. Still looking directly to her friend, she says, 'Don't lie!!'

'I'm not lying. I really did have fun. Sempai is very passionate person. He cares for me, appreciates me, he makes me feel special…' Mikan answered almost screaming.

'Then why are you avoiding my eyes? Didn't you say you love…'

'No… it's in the past. I've decided to forget.' _I need to forget. I must try._

Hotaru watch her friend's face, there seems to be tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She let out a heavy sigh, 'Are you sure about this, Mikan?'

'I don't know…' Mikan answered meekly.

_I really don't know… but, it would be best this way. No one would be hurt this way… _

Hotaru looks like she was going to ask more but she stopped as Mikan says,

'Please don't ask me anything anymore.' Mikan move towards the window. Her body trembling from containing her tears.'

'Mikan…'

'Please Hotaru, I promise I'll tell you everything someday… Please trust me. For now, can you just support me?.' Mikan now sits on her bed, looking downwards. Her bangs hiding her face.

Hotaru debated with herself. She had known Mikan for more than 10 years now, she knows better than anyone that once Mikan's mind is made up, nothing could persuade her. Although Mikan does stupid things at times, there would definitely be good reasons behind it. _I should trust her for now, and wait until she's ready to tell me. _'Baka! Of course I'll support you. Just don't come crying to me if things go wrong. I'll make sure you get shot first if you do.'

'Hotaru! You're the best, thank you…' Mikan said. Somehow she felt her burden became lighter.

'So when are you meeting that sempai again?'

'The day after tomorrow on weekend. Why?'

'Nothing, just curious. Go to sleep or you'll be late again tomorrow.' Away from Mikan's eyes, Hotaru let an evil smile slip. _Well, I didn't say I wouldn't investigate. Making a little money out of it doesn't hurt either. He-he_

_------_

Natsume has just finished his bath. _This time's mission took to much energy. I can barely walk properly. _

He walked back into his room while drying off his hair with a towel. Much to his surprise, he was greeted by, 'Oi…'

His tracks were halted. 'Imai… What are you doing here? More important, how did you get in here?'

The girl standing in his room just pointed at a corner of the room. Her hand holding a few pieces of pictures featuring a handsome blonde.

'Ruka…' Natsume said as he realized his friend standing not too far from him. Ruka looked at Natsume with an apologetic smile.

'Let's go.' Hotaru said.

The invite caught Natsume off guard as he asks, 'Where?'

'Aren't you curious?'

He makes a face that indicates something like asking what.

'Mikan and sempai, how far is their relationship.'

Natsume felt his pulse quickened. With the same poker face he answers, 'None of my business.'

Hotaru didn't seem to buy it but decided not to push it. 'Really? Alright but don't expect Nogi to tell you anything.'

As if reading Natsume's thought, she adds, 'In case you change your mind, she's meeting him today at the lake near the northern forest.'

With those last words, she dragged Ruka out into the forest.

------

'Hotaru, I don't think…' Ruka said as he and Hotaru were crouched together in the bushes near where Mikan and Soujiroh met.

'Shhh… I'm trying to listen!' Hotaru hissed at Ruka, her hand holding a video camera.

_B-but you're too near… I'm having a very hard time controlling myself_

Ruka shift uncomfortably. He would've escaped if Hotaru hadn't put him on leash with her newest invention. It caused him to follow her very closely, _too closely_. They were just inches away from each other. It's okay when they are standing and walking but crouching position caused him to have wild imagination.

He finds it impossible to concentrate. _Ah! So that's what she meant back then._

**Flashback**

'Really? Alright but don't expect Nogi to tell you anything.'

**End of flashback**

_I'm hopeless…_ Ruka swallowed his saliva. He knew better than to 'attack' her. There's no telling what she would do to him.

Meanwhile Hotaru was only focusing on the couple by the lake.

'Sakura…'

'What is it sempai?'

'Do you like me?'

Mikan's eye bulged to the question, but then she smiled and says, 'Aah? Of course I do… You were always nice to me. You have a warm heart and you smell nice too.'

_She says she likes me. It's light… too lightly_

Soujiroh smiled to himself and seems to be looking far, yet nowhere in specific, 'When we first met, I was in such a poor state. Because of my alice, everyone stays away from me. They said they feel cold around me. My pale complexion and silver hair doesn't help either. They see me as ghost. Ever since I was a kid, I've always been treated coldly. So, I've always ended up closing myself.'

'What? That's impossible' Mikan said although she's bewildered by the sudden change of topic.

'Remember what happened when we first met?' Soujiroh turned his gaze towards the hazel eyed girl next to him.

Mikan let out a giggle, 'Yeah, I bumped into you, and ended up smiling stupidly for my mistake. But you were so nice. You forgave me. Not like that idiot Natsume…' Mikan covers her mouth as she mentions the name. _Ah! Why did HIS name came out suddenly? _

Soujiroh didn't seem to bother at all, he simply smiled at her and says, 'It's because you were the first person to smile so warmly at me.'

Mikan tilted her head a little, obviously fails to register what Soujiroh had said. _This is weird._

'Your smile back then, it caused me to smile back. I seriously thought I had forgotten how to before that.'

'B-but you have such a beautiful and warm smile.' Mikan said feeling unbelievable.

'Yes, so you say, but I had never realize it if you didn't say so.' His eyes still fixed on Mikan's.

'Whatever I am today, I owe it to you Sakura. Without you, I would've never found my smile. You thought me that if I manage to smile warmly from my heart, I could make people feel warm around me, despite my ice alice.'

'Really? Wow I didn't realize that.' Mikan grinned, her hand scrubbing the back of her head.

'Yes, but…' Soujiroh's smiling face turns into a serious face. 'I can see you lost that smile.' _The smile that became my oasis back then._

'Y-you noticed?' Mikan said a little shock. _I thought I hid it well_.

'U-huh… I thought I could bring it back.' _I thought if I love you enough, you'd smile like that again to me._

Mikan saw the distant look in Soujiroh's eyes. She felt guilty somehow, 'I'm sorr…'

Before Mikan could finish her words, Soujiroh put his index fingers on Mikan's lips.

Shaking his head, he says, 'But the only time when you smiled freely is when you talk about him.'

'Him?'

'Natsume Hyuuga. Although you cursed him endlessly, you smiled warmly at the memory.' Soujiroh said with a smile, but his eyes still looked distant.

'Sakura, your smile is a cure to wounded heart. Don't lose it. I'm sure, not only me but many other would do anything to bring that smile to your face again. Lying doesn't suit you either…'

Mikan felt her tears threatening to come out. She felt guilty for taking advantage of Soujiroh's kindness, 'Sempai… I- I don't know what to say…could you ever forgive me?'

From a corner of his eyes he saw a raven haired person concealed behind some lush trees. _No wonder I felt a chill._ Soujiroh smiled to himself.

Mikan waited anxiously for Soujiroh's answer. Her head is looking downwards. She doesn't have the guts to look at him. _Is he angry?_

Suddenly Soujiroh leaned towards her and land a soft kiss on her cheek, very close to her lips. 'There, you're forgiven. Now smile…'

Mikan was shocked but seeing the smile on Soujiroh's face she felt like a weight has been lifted from her heart. She smiled back, this time honestly from the bottom of her heart, 'Sempai… arigatou…'

Soujiroh patted Mikan's head. _Are you watching? This is my revenge._

A little farther than the couple, a pair of crimson eyes was watching them with an uncontrollable fury.

_------_

_I wonder where he is. Could he be at the Sakura tree?_ Mikan just parted with Soujiroh after promising to make it up with Natsume. _It's still early. He might be there._

As she approaches the Sakura tree, she saw a lean figure leaning on the bark of the tree. Her heart skipped excitedly.

With her usual cheerful voice and smile, she greeted the figure, 'Hi Natsume!'

Natsume's eyes seemed to pierce through her. With slow rage full voice he says, 'Go away bitch!!'

She felt her blood boiled to the point of exploding, 'NANI? WHAT did u say?'

'Go away BITCH!' Natsume replied a little louder, now string her in the eyes.

Mikan clenched her fist and demands, 'Apologize NOW!!'

'No way, whore!!' Mikan felt Natsume's words as if slapping her in the face. Fighting her tears, he slaps Natsume in the face and walked pass him without glancing back.

_That idiot!! here I am trying to be nice and apologize. _–flash-kiss-flash-_ well, maybe I shouldn't be too angry about it._

Mikan shake her head, 'What am I feeling guilty for. He doesn't deserve it. NATSUME NO BAKA!!'

_What's she playing nice for?_ –flash-kiss-flash- _that kissing bastard!!_

Natsume's reaction was actually bigger than he thought. Although his face doesn't gave away anything, but the burnt innocent trees along the path he took tell the true story loud and clear.

'You know, you're only destroying the landscape here.' Suddenly a voice said.

Natsume glance from the corner of his eyes and saw Soujiroh emerging from behind a tree, 'None of your business.' He continued his steps looking not a bit interested.

'Freeze' Soujiroh muttered under his breathe yet still audible.

Natsume felt his surrounding turns to ice. He clenched his fist and surrounds his advisory as well as himself with fire.

'Not bad but…' Soujiroh let out a smirk

'Don't you know that fire turns ice into water which distinguishes the fire?'

_Shit!_

Natsume was about to launch another attack when suddenly Saujiroh's body glowed with silver light. A rush of ice came shooting out which knock Natsume on to a tree bark. His body was frozen from toe up to his neck. Their surrounding turned into solid sparkling ice.

_I don't have enough energy to unfreeze myself. Damn!_

Soujiroh leaned himself onto Natsume. From the palm of his hand he created a sharp object made of ice. Slowly but vengefully he leaned his head to Natsume's ears and whispered

'I would've love to crush you right now

But without you, she can't smile

Shit! I would've want to cut your throat for making her cry

But she loves you so much, she might die…'

With that, Soujiroh retreated and all the ice disappeared.

'Make her happy fire boy. The kiss I gave her serves as a revenge for not getting her, also a warning for you. If you don't take good care of her, anyone can take her away from you. Mark my words, if it's me, I'll never return her to you ever again.'

Soujiroh left Natsume still panting at the bark of the tree. He didn't even turn to glance back and he disappears into the dark of the night.

_Sakura, be happy_

**Why do your eyes sees him though you're looking at me**

**The smile you had for him was the smile I always dream**

**He makes you sad and he makes you cry**

**Why does your heart still only belongs to him?**


	6. The place my heart rest

update!! This one has a lot of flashbacks. Well, happy reading :)

Disclaimer; I do not own Gakuen alice.

**The place my heart rests.**

'Give me that back moron!!' a brunette seems to be hopping around while fighting to get back a brusher from a flying boy. The boy however seems to have fun toying with her.

'Sigh…. 'A girl with dark hair and eyes who seemed to be enjoying her crab heaved a heavy sigh in amidst of the hectic crowd.

'That's supposed to go there!!' the brunette now hoping across the room to help a couple of girls to position some flowers.

'Sigh….' Now the girl who's still holding her crab shook her head. Her eyes, fixed on the brunette.

The bare boring hall quickly turned into a stunning ball room in matters of 2 days. It all happened the evening before the two day,

**Flashback**

'All right class, settle down. I have an announcement to make. I have bad news.' Narumi sensei said as he does his usual 10minutes-drop-by class.

When the students have finally settled down he says, 'The ball dance that is held for your sempai's graduation in 4 days time might have to be cancelled.'

There were a lot of 'no way' and 'I was looking forward to that' voices in the class.

Narumi sensei knocked on the table to regain the attention of the class. 'This is because the committee members who were in charge of the ball had a terrible fight yesterday. It seems they refuse to reconcile. So the preparation had been halted.'

'But, that would make our sempai sad. Can't they do something about it?' a girl with long silvery hair said.

'Well, we are trying our best to goad them but it is no where to be settled. Since the sempai cannot do the arrangement themselves because they are in the midst of their exams, we have to cancel the ball unless…' he stopped at his words as he looked at the expectant faces of his student.

'Unless what?' A boy with a shark hat said.

'Unless someone else pitches in to settle the preparation while we force the committee.'

The class started to uproar again with 'Really?'

'Yes, and the good news is since I know how well nurtured my students are, I have agreed for us to pitch in.'

'Who says we'll go with you?' a raven haired boy with cold face said.

'Yeah… you must be retarded to think we'll take it as good news.' Another boy with short hair said.

The class erupted with dissatisfied chatter

'I will do it.' A voice suddenly spoke out.

The class became silent and stares at the source of the voice.

'I will do it. It's okay even if everyone else doesn't want to.' She said calmly.

'Mikan? Thank you… you are my beloved student.' Narumi said teary eyed.

'Well then, I'll help her' another voice said.

'Really?' Mikan looked hopeful.

'Well, I can't let you do it alone. I am the class Inchou anyway.'

'Are you trying to defy Natsume-kun?' a bunch of girls with angered eyes said.

'Sempai had always helped me when I'm in trouble. I am indebt to them. I believe some of you guys to. It's the least I could help to make sure their last memory here is a pleasant one. They have just finished their battle of last exam. A ball would be nice.' Mikan said totally ignoring their earlier remark.

The class became lively again with no way and why not.

'If you feel like helping, come to the hall this evening.' Narumi said as a conclusion.

'Adieu class!!' he said as he floats out of the room prince-like.

End of flashback

'Be careful!!' the brunette now is helping some girls who almost fell while putting up the banner.

_Somehow, everyone did turn up. Except for him…_ 'Sigh…'

A blonde boy who had been watching the girl beside him asks, 'You've been sighing for the past hour, Hotaru. What is it?'

Without averting her gaze, she said, 'those two…'.

'There's nothing we could do if they themselves don't want to make it up.' Ruka said understanding what his partner meant.

'I know, but they are just too stubborn and stupid.' Hotaru said while eating her crab.

_For a worried person, you sure don't look like one._ Ruka sweat drop. He too averts his eyes to the brunette, 'Mikan had been ignoring Natsume for three days now. Knowing him, he might have said something to make Mikan despise him.'

With a monotonous yet slightly irritated voice Hotaru said, 'Does he even care?'

'Well, it definitely affected him.'

**Flashback**

3 days before

'Hey polka dots' Natsume said.

Mikan simply ignores him.

'Oi blueberry prints' Natsume said with a louder voice. _What's with her?_

Mikan still ignores him and continued standing and talking to her friends who by now already look terrified with the angered look on Natsume's face.

'Mikan!' one of her friends said pointing to a direction behind her.

She turned to her back and saw two boys behind her. Smiling, she said, 'Ah, Ruka… Ohayo!! Have I been in your way? Sorry…'

Ruka just smiled and said, 'It's alright. Good morning to you too.' Somehow Ruka felt a hot aura beside him. He perspired a lot.

------

2 days before

'Give me back my pencil!!' Mikan said to a floating boy.

'You have to catch me first!!' the boy enjoys the scene. He loves it every time Mikan had that look on her face.

'Not fair, you can fly' Mikan said jumping around.

She was trying so hard to get back her pencil that she didn't realized a boy in front of him. He crashed into the boy and almost fell down head first had it not been for the boy's quick action.

Blushing, Mikan finds herself in the boy's arm, 'Sumimasen Kokoyormi-kun!'

'It's okay Mikan. Be careful!' he said with his usual plastered on smile.

A raven haired boy who was just entering the class subconsciously burned his manga

------

1 day before

The brunette can be seen prancing around excitedly discussing about the decorations.

'Oi, Polka dots! You're too noisy'

Mikan not only ignored the remark, she also talks louder and more excitedly

Natsume who was trying to concentrate on burning a nearby innocent tree ends up getting himself burnt.

**End of flashback**

Both sweat drop at the memory.

Hotaru returned her attention to her friend. _Well, at least she's not pretending any more_

Mikan is now rushing around and pointing up points to everyone

'Sigh… I wish they'd hurry up and make up' a girl's voice said.

'Yup, I have to agree' another voice said as a follow up.

'Huh? Anna-chan, Nonoko-chan… aren't you happy Mikan's not with Natsume?' Ruka said bewildered

Anna let out a sigh again, 'I was… because I thought she have that sempai… but…'

**Flashback**

'Mikan!! How was it? How was your date?' Anna said prancing with excitement.

Mikan sweat drop, 'It was really – fun'

'So have you accepted sempai?' Anna ask again obviously eager to know.

Mikan smiles, 'Of course - not.'

'Mikan!!' Anna said, shocked.

Mikan hold her friend's hand, 'Thank you for worrying about me Anna… I can't do that to sempai. I don't love him. He deserves to know the truth. I can't keep him on leash just to keep myself from being lonely right? Besides, I already got all these magnificent friends for that.'

**End of flashback**

'I haven't seen her smile like that for a long time now. It's like she had found a resolve or something.' Anna said finishing her story.

'I guess she just couldn't be complete without Natsume.' Nonoko said looking at Mikan.

'And now she's so impossible. She purposely took this very tiring job and has taken most of the load onto herself. Look at her, she could barely lift up that thing but still insist of doing it alone…' Anna said referring to the brunette.

They saw Mikan attempting to lift a load that is twice her size. She failed on her first and second attempt but finally succeeded at the third attempt. As she was making progress, she tripped and almost toppled over

'Mikan!!' They shouted in unison.

Everyone closed eyes prepared for the worst possibility but when they open their eyes they saw a weird sight where Natsume is helping Mikan with the load.

'Are you mentally retarded? Can't you at least evaluate your own strength?' the raven boy said looking annoyed.

Everyone is in state of shock. Natsume came. What's more he's helping.

'I must be dreaming.' Sumire said.

The Natsume-Ruka fan club shrieked, 'Oh Natsume-sama looks so magnificent.'

'Natsume! You shouldn't have to do this.' A boy with short hair said.

The boy levitates the load to its place.

'You should've just asked for my help Mikan. I'm in-charge of moving the things… you don't have to be so stick-headed about that.'

'Mikan smiles stupidly. Sumimasen Himuka-kun! You were busy with something else, I didn't want to trouble you.'

'Idiot!!' Himuka said, laughing and patting her head.

'You should rest a bit. Besides, Narumi sensei came just now. The committee members are coming back and finish the rest.' He used to despise this girl. It would be pleasure for him to torture her. But things changed. He finds her very pleasing to be around now. If it hadn't been for Natsume, he might have tried to make a pass for her.

'Yeah, Sakura-san! Maybe you should retire early. You don't look to good.' Nonoko said as she reached Mikan's side.

_Maybe I should take a rest. It has been a long day, and he's here now ._'Okay!! Thanks.' Mikan started to walk to a bench nearby still totally ignoring Natsume.

Natsume felt his rage taking over. He blocks Mikan from advancing by standing in front of her. Mikan simply avoided him and continued walking. Suddenly, Natsume grab hold of her wrist. She tugged her hand to get lose but it only caused her hand to ache.

_I have no choice. _She gave Natsume a death stare. For the first time in three days she looked at Natsume.

'Stop ignoring me.' Natsume said with a coarse voice.

Mikan didn't budge. _I must stick to my stand. I must not lose to him!_

Natsume pulled Mikan towards him.

She turned her head away.

Very slowly she heard him say 'so you hate me that much, huh?'

_What? _Mikan abruptly turned to face Natsume. Her eyes widened.

'You said you ignore those you hate.'

**Flashback**

'What are you talking about? Why would I be ignoring you? I only ignore people I hate… I don't hate you… I could never hate you.'

Natsume was about to say something when suddenly the door creaked open and Anna was in front of it.

**End of flashback**

Mikan sighed as she remembers the moment she said that. Slowly, Mikan answered. 'Although you deserved to be hated, I don't hate you… I just don't feel like talking to you…'

Natsume's grip loosened. His breathing became calmer.

'Come on Natsume just say sorry!!' Anna said becoming impatient with the situation.

The two of them had totally forgotten about the observers.

Releasing Mikan's hand, Natsume said 'Humph, like I would. Get going, misutama (polka dots)… '

Mikan glared at Natsume, not believing what she heard, she shouted, 'Natsume you pig head!! You are right!! I do hate you!!' Mikan stomped her feet and went outside.

Everyone sweat dropped. Hotaru said half whispering to Ruka, 'It's official, Natsume's an idiot.'

------

'Stupid, idiot, pig head, obnoxious, perverted Natsume!!' Mikan said while kicking some stones around.

'Is that all?'

Mikan jumped a little, shocked. Realizing who it was she snorted.

'What do you want now?'

Natsume didn't say a word. He grabbed Mikan's hand and put it on his chest.

Mikan tried to break lose, but suddenly stopped, realizing something.

_Ah, his heart. I can feel its beating. Why is it beating as fast as my heart? _

She looked at Natsume's face, and then she shook her head

_Am I illusioning? Did I saw his eyes looking softly at me?_

She looked again and her gaze met with a stone like face.

_I know it's impossible_

Mikan sighed… 'What do you want?'

Again, Natsume didn't answer anything. He simply dragged Mikan towards a place.

'What do you want? Let go of my hand!!' Mikan yelled at him while struggling from being dragged.

'Just shut up and sit still!!' Natsume finally said as they reached the usual Sakura tree he hang out. He forced her to sit down.

When Mikan finally settled down, he kneeled on his knees softly touching Mikan's cheek. 'Don't cry behind those smiles. If you wish to cry, be it on my shoulder…'

_Ba-thump!_ Mikan felt her heart skipped a beat. _What does that mean?_

Without so much of an explanation, Natsume lies on Mikan's lap and closing his eyes, he said, 'sorry…'

Shocked by Natsume's sudden behavior, Mikan finds it hard to find a word. But looking at his face so up close like this, she felt it's hard to not feel a stir inside. A feeling she had been trying so hard to forget these past few days.

_He looked so tired. Has life been that hard on him? _

She felt a feeling of despair. _I lost…_ Softly yet visibly she said, 'not fair…'

Opening his eyes, Natsume said, 'huh?'

Her fringe was covering her eyes. Partially hiding her face as she says, 'it's not fair. I've been so mad, I've tried so hard to forget, and yet you only needed to say sorry to make it seems its alright' _it's not fair… because I love you so much that I would just forgive you. Love you so much its aching from inside not to be with you_

'Yeah, life's never fair.' Came the short reply as he was looking lovingly to the face that is now looking up towards the sky. _I would love you always. Someday, I'll tell you everything. I promise._

They stayed under the Sakura tree all night long looking at the stars without so much of a word to each other. Just their hearts entwined together waiting for a day it would be free to finally express their true feelings.

**Can you see it in the distant stars,**

**A promise that was made by our hearts,**

**Even if the world turns against us,**

**Only in your arms shall my heart rests.**

-The end-

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Well what do you think? I know, I know I kind of left everyone hanging. But, this is not the absolute end. Please wait patiently for my sequel… **Smile again for me. **I promise more romantic scenes.

Anyway, I'd like you guys to comment, really comment how was it. Did the characters develop well? I tried to create a more mature version of the kids without actually losing their original personality. Especially for Natsume and Mikan. At least, while writing this story apart from thinking about the plot, that's what I tried to do. That's why it lacks descriptive elements. So did I manage to achieve what I aimed for? And how does the plot and the flow of the story?

Sorry to ask so much, I'm just too curious. Do leave a review, onegaishimas!!


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